Have you broadened underrepresented graduate student participation? (But don’t try to start a union!) Have you mercilessly harangued students to use preferred pronouns? Have you cancelled any invited lecturers? Have you created any safe spaces or cry rooms? Have you helped segregate the campus along every divisive identify fault line? Have you anonymously reported any microaggressions? Have you hosted bizarre erotic seminars highlighting the farthest extremes of radical feminism? Have you destroyed any objective standards that stand in the way of greater equity and inclusion? Have you done your part to demonize free speech and foster a climate of self-censorship? If so, one of these awards might be for you!
First place goes to whomever can define “Equity” and measure MIT’s progress against it. The deadline is April 6, so please submit a nomination today, making sure not to use this as an opportunity to flood the online nomination process with mockery of all the deans, associate deans, assistant deans, deputy deans, and their fellow travelers working so hard to turn MIT into Oberlin.