Infamous geophysicist Dorian Abbot has been summoned to the next regularly scheduled Struggle Session this Friday at 4pm in Killian Court. The leadership decision to cancel Professor Abbot’s delivery of the formerly prestigious Carlson Lecture, because his unrelated views on DEI triggered hysterical Twitter mobs from the Department of Earth and Planetary Sciences to tear their hair and rend their garments, was a shining act of administrative courage. The MIT community must remain an intellectual safe space purged of all unwelcome ideas.

Enlightened students from cadre pods 9 and 10 who fail to attend and enthusiastically chant approved slogans until the misguided professor confesses and repents his wrong-think will receive ten demerits against their social credit scores. Students seeking exemptions must get approval from the Assistant Dean of Virtue Surveillance.