Hear ye, hear ye, let the royal festivities begin!

This Saturday, April 29, MIT will inaugurate its newest president, marking the first time the world’s leading STEM university has been entirely led by women.

Along with the requisite jugglers, clowns, and sacred traditions of academe, music of resilience and activism will serenade social justice acolytes determined to build a better world.

Special exhibits will remind attendees of MIT’s shameful history of racism, colonialism, sexism, homophobia, capitalist exploitation, and despoiling of the earth, including …

• A replica slave market representing MIT’s founder, William Barton Rogers.
• A trail of tears blaming MIT’s third president Francis Amasa Walker for genocide
• A queer bible reading by MIT’s GCWS activists
• Unveiling of an all-gender Porta Potty by MIT’s bathroom justice working group.
• A pow-wow by MIT’s new Council of Indigenous Elders.
• A luxury luggage fashion show by celebrity alumnus Sam Brinton
• A struggle session to re-educate unrepentant climate deniers, sponsored by EAPS.

Graduate students are invited to attend but are reminded that they must be re-chained to their lab benches by 5 o’clock lest their gruel rations be cut in half.