With apologies to Lewis Carroll

There was a table set out under a tree in the Great Court and the Iron Chancellor and Mighty Gorenberg were having tea at it. An uninvited guest popped out their favorite teapot and they were trying to put a lid on it.

“What have you got there?” asked a befuddled Queen Kornbluth as she flitted about sprinkling the air with Belonging, Achievement, and Composition pixie dust.

“Uh, it depends on the context,” they mumbled.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” the Queen exclaimed, still sore from being trampled on by unruly mobs of decolonizing social justice warriors. “Whatever shall we do?”

“We must denounce hate!” exclaimed the Iron Chancellor, a bona fide hate expert. “That’s the ticket!” hiccuped the Mighty Gorenberg.

“But where does this hate come from?” asked the befuddled Queen.

“It is spread by oppressors to keep the oppressed in their place,” explained the Iron Chancellor. “You have about 200 people scattered across your payroll whose entire careers are dedicated to identifying, labeling, silencing, and retraining oppressors while valorizing, protecting, promoting, and empowering the oppressed.”

“Yes, yes, I suppose I do,” sighed the Queen. “I’ve never actually counted them. Have they been successful creating a harmonious and diverse community of inclusion and belonging?”

“Not yet,” answered the Iron Chancellor. “That’s why we need to hire MOAR. I’m sure expanding the administrative staff will be the first priority of the new Vice President of Equity and Inclusion that you’ll soon be announcing. Who knows how many exciting new programs he/she/xir might come up with!”

With that they returned to sipping their tea as life at the world’s leading STEM university got curiouser and curiouser.

Photoshop by the Rambling Raccoon