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MIT students traumatized by words

A ferocious attack of words was unleashed at MIT this week terrifying vulnerable students, causing the DEI administration to go to Defcon 1. Emergency supplies of smelling salts and fainting couches were distributed across campus.

Words appeared not only on flyers but chalked onto sidewalks! These words allegedly expressed a wide range of views in provocative terms, triggering an avalanche of reports to MIT’s Bias Response Team, whose officers and auxiliary troops began room to room searches seeking to apprehend the perpetrators.

MIT’s President Sally Kornbluth appealed for calm, expressing solidarity with the victims. She reminded survivors that since past president L. Rafael Reif turned MIT into a mental hospital and daycare center, over 1,000 administrative personnel are standing by to render aid. See: LBGTQ+ Services, the office of DoingWell, Student Mental Health and Counseling Services, Student Support Services, MyLife Services, GradSupport, the Graduate Assistance Information Network, the Office of Religious, Spiritual, and Ethical Life, and of course one of the countless Deans on Call.

“This is what happens when you encourage DEI refuseniks by issuing a Free Expression Statement,” fumed MIT’s Iron Chancellor, recently put in charge of implementing MIT’s new free speech policy. “We must make sure that an attack of words never happens at MIT again!”


  1. Anon

    So the ones intentionally hurting others were in fact the people who want repression and censorship? This does not surprise me. I wonder if the quintuple-intersectional minority UA president was involved.

  2. Not Gay

    Without knowing the actual language posted, I don’t think a solid conclusion can be drawn. Freedom of expression does have limitations. a single derogatory word? unlikely to step on someone else’s freedom. A general threat – eg. “kill them all”… a little more challenging. “On Thursday at 11 am, every straight person should attack…” really just crossed the boundary, as this is a direct threat, and clearly intended to cause fear. This is terrorism, in it’s rawest definition.

    • Ayn Honymous

      Good luck getting the MIT administration to actually share the content of these “slurs.” I don’t believe they alleged that there were threats. Does chalking “There only two sexes – male and female” on the sidewalk constitute a slur?

  3. Tracy R. Hall

    How obvious does it have to BE?!?!? For the “Hard of Satire” Audience: SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE

  4. Tracy R. Hall

    For the “Hard-of-Satire” in the audience:

  5. erasmuse

    You misinterpret. This is not wokeness. MIT students have always been terrified of words, sentences, and, especially, paragraphs. They have nightmares about their past torment in high school, when they were forced to interact with such horrors instead of just using equations.


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