About Us

Fake News

Submit Stories


Dossiers of anonymous denunciations help MIT mold students’ characters

Move over STASI wanabees. Hats off to you, J. Edgar Hoover. All hail Maxient, MIT’s chosen outsourced conduct management service, the digital way to build a better world by building a better student.

Are you now, or have you ever been, noncompliant?

It all starts with behavior monitoring based on anonymous reports filed by fellow classmates. These get curated into a secure national database that will never be breached or used for nefarious purposes.

Did you use the wrong pronoun to address a preferred identity? Have you ever allowed your male gaze to fall upon the bosom of a perpetually offended feminist? Were you overheard in a midnight bull session expressing opinions contrary to established DEI policy? Did you utter the n-word in your sleep? You’ll never know what we have on you, and that’s the whole point. Step out of line and it will all come rushing back, confirming a “pattern of behavior” in dire need of adjudication, modification, and potential defenestration.

Please review our online reporting form, which feeds directly into Maxient’s national repository now hoovering down over 7,000 reports a day from over 1,300 client institutions. Then when your hapless target least suspects it, watch MIT’s highly trained Bias Response Team field agents rip into action!

1 Comment

  1. RonF

    Use it to enter complaints about leftist professors that say things offensive to conservative (or even just normal) students. Flood the thing with them.



  1. Maxient: the social credit system of choice for America’s colleges | MercatorNet - […] nerds” from MIT who run a satirical news site called The Babbling Beaver have crafted their own marketing mantra…
  2. Maxient : le système de crédit social de choix pour les collèges américains - Nouvelles Du Monde - […] un site d’information satirique appelé Le castor bavard ont confectionné leur propre mantra marketing pour Maxient. « Déplacez-vous sur…
  3. Nachedeu - nachedeu.com - Maxient: система социального кредита для американских колледжей - […] названием Болтливый бобер создали свои собственные Маркетинговая мантра для Maxient. «Подвиньтесь к подражателям STASI. Снимаю шляпу перед […]

Leave a Reply