After a year of sturm und drang the MIT administration finally adopted a Freedom of Expression Statement crafted by faculty living under a climate of fear, never knowing whether they might be the next Dorian Abbot sacrificed to the cancel culture mob. Hurrah!

Not so fast, Kimosabe. What the headline gives the fine print taketh away.

You’ll never guess who MIT’s new president Sally Kornbluth tasked with implementing this hifalutin faculty “expression” into MIT’s actual policies. None other than social justice warrior Chancellor Melissa Nobles, who famously declared both MIT and all of science systemically racist, and Provost Cynthia Barnhart, who established MIT’s Bias Response Team, responsible for compiling secret dossiers on students and faculty anonymously accused of committing microaggressions.

This dynamic duo has been charged with “creating a range of different opportunities to engage and inspire all of us, across our community, to learn about, practice and model the skills to confidently, constructively, respectfully express ourselves – and listen to each other – across differences.”

This is sure to provide the Beaver with a steady source of new material. Thanks, Sally!