by onlythebeaverknows | Apr 28, 2022 | Uncategorized
Emboldened by the recent success of MIT’s graduate students forming a union to save them from grievous oppression and heartless exploitation, MIT’s undergrads have started a campaign to affiliate with the Amalgamated Mushroom Workers of America, inspired by their...
by onlythebeaverknows | Feb 14, 2022 | Uncategorized
Exhausted from a decade of fighting a losing battle in the Woke takeover slowly turning the world’s leading STEM institution into Oberlin, MIT President L. Rafael Reif threw in the towel last week, vowing to return to the classroom where he was actually...
by onlythebeaverknows | Feb 7, 2022 | Uncategorized
To the members of the MIT community, It is with a heavy heart that I feel obliged to comment on the mostly peaceful protest at Congregation Beth Israel in Colleyville, Texas. Without condoning the police brutality that ended the standoff, we are all relieved that the...
by onlythebeaverknows | Feb 5, 2022 | Uncategorized
Double-masked jeerers from cadre pods 6 and 7 attended the first use of the new ducking stool at the restroom-recycled water pond behind the Stata Center. Sophomore Joe Brown had previously received two warnings from the Dean of Groupthink, lowering his social credit...
by onlythebeaverknows | Feb 1, 2022 | Uncategorized
MIT Associate Dean of Inquisition today announced the publication of volume 12 of the Index of Forbidden Words. This critical update was painstakingly developed by a diverse and inclusive staff of thirty-seven deans, associate deans, assistant deans, and cunning...
