Inspired by sympathetic coverage of the Minneapolis ICE-martyr in MIT’s student newspaper, a coalition of SOLVE program students founded “Kinetic Resistance Now (KRN)” to promote what organizers call “mostly-peaceful vehicular civil disobedience.” Professors Sally Haslanger and Michel DeGraff immediately declared it a “legitimate form of social protest.”

News Editor Vivian Hir from The Tech explained it quite clearly. “Ramming federal agents is now a protected form of political expression,” said Motrix Vapida, Class of 2027, co-founder of KRN. “We’re applying that principle to fight against all oppressive power structures on campus.”

The group executed its inaugural action Saturday, driving a clown car motorcade through the L. Rafael Reif Memorial Shaft into the heart of campus. The Boston Area Brigade of Activist Musicians (BABAM) blared Marxist revolutionary ballads from roof-mounted PA speakers.

Startled STEM faculty members took their usual stance hiding under their desks. The campus police dispatched unarmed Community Service Officers (CSOs) to distribute milk and cookies in an effort to calm the raucous crowds of homeless people and outside agitators the protestors attracted.

MIT President Spineless Sally Kornbluth issued a characteristically craven warning: “While MIT respects students’ right to peaceful assembly and sympathizes with their desire to build a diverse, immigrant-friendly community, we ask that they avoid blocking fire lanes and to keep trash fires at least ten feet from any buildings.”

DSA campus chair and Graduate Student Union vice president Ghawghā Djinn pledged “strategic solidarity.” Party for Socialism and Liberation organizer Latro Sordidus called it “a promising first step toward kinetic liberation.” New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani offered Tech editor Vivian Hir a job in his communication department after she graduates.