It has come to the attention of the Beaver that not all our readers appreciate the true nature of the “fake news” published by our transgressive nerds at MIT who pour their hearts and bile into these missives.

While each post is outrageous in its own way, only a fraction are made up out of whole cloth. The majority are based on real woke absurdities and acts of intersectional madness being inflicted on our beloved alma mater.

Admittedly, we frame these stories in the worst possible light, often adding mocking commentary by fake deans with funny names. But most of the underlying people, facts, and events upon which the Beaver shines his searing spotlight of sardonic satire are real.

The only way to differentiate fantasy from reality is to click through the links. If you do, you will often land on an official MIT web page confirming the abominable disgrace being mocked.

For example …

• The School of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Scientism (SHASS) really did offer a seminar on erotic vomiting.
• The MIT Museum really does have a permanent exhibit on disrupting the power of the cisheteronormative patriarchy using female semen.
• MIT really did cancel its founder William Barton Rogers.
• MIT’s Consortium for Graduate Studies in Gender, Culture, Women & Sexuality really did offer a summer seminar in Feminist, Queer, and Indigenous Methodologies.
• An MIT neuroscientist really is working on a pill to cure anxious crazy women.
• MIT’s Wellbeing Lab really does have therapy dogs to calm its growing number of mentally disturbed students.
• Menstruation scientists really did declare 20% of women impaired at work.
• MIT Chancellor Melissa Nobles really did declare both STEM and all of science systemically racist and she really did invite a communist accessory to murder to speak on MLK Day.
• MIT’s Institute Discrimination & Harassment Response (IDHR) office really does employ student informants to rat out microaggressions committed by fellow students and faculty.
• One hundred members of the MIT administration and faculty really did refuse to explain and defend their own DEI policies in the Great DEI Debate of 2023.

We could continue, but you get the idea. So, before you dismiss our stories as if they all spring from reactionary fever dreams, check out the links for yourself.