No experience required! No knowledge necessary! No discernible skills involved! If you have the passion to address climate change and have nothing more productive to do with your life, we invite you to join our zealot army as a Certified Climate Justice Warrior (CCJW).

Our fall Effective Climate Action Training Camp is already underway. But it’s never too late to sign up for our self-paced online courses in learning how to use the En-Roads Climate Solutions Simulator to sow fear, panic, anxiety, rage, depression, and ennui.

Dousing climate deniers with weaponized word salads is not enough. Now you can conk them over the head with MIT-certified computer simulations more powerful than a crystal ball. Our predictive software is the living embodiment of Settled Science. Twiddle the knobs yourself to learn how the planet is doomed if we don’t slash both the human population and economic growth.

If your life is adrift, you’ve decided not to bring carbon-producing children into the world, and you’re looking for a strong sense of belonging that comes with adopting a valorized identity, then we are the right cause for you. And unlike MIT tuition, it’s free!

Act now before the world comes to an end. The En-Roads Climate Ambassador community is a diverse, equitable, and intersectional indoctrinator.

Story suggested by Mark Felt.