In a stunning turn of events killing two birds with one stone, MIT has finally rid itself of its divisive Chancellor, Melissa “STEM-is-systemically-racist” Nobles, and Harvard has succeeded in making yet another diversity hire at the top of its flailing administrative bureaucracy.

“I am humbled at being professionally rewarded yet again based on the color of my skin and the configuration of my genitalia,” gushed Nobles as she contemplated the size of her new paycheck.

How a humanities scholar whose academic focus has been on the “comparative study of racial politics, categorization, violence, and reconciliation” ended up as the number two administrative executive at the world’s leading STEM university is left as an exercise for the reader.

A product of a Brown and Yale education, Nobles will undoubtedly feel more at home at the Kremlin on the Charles where she can pick up the challenging task of disobeying the recent Supreme Court ban on Affirmative Action without getting caught.

Nobles’ important work of gaslighting the MIT community into accepting the moral equivalence between antisemitism and Islamophobia will be continued by the legions of DEI officers she hired during her tenure. President Sally Kornbluth was not available for comment as she and MIT Corporation chair Mark Gorenberg are still hiding under her desk.

The Babbling Beaver wishes the Iron Chancellor well, reminding her not to let the door hit her in the keister.