In a three-act tragicomedy challenging the Beaver’s ability to cast reality in a satirical light, MIT undergraduates are frantically trying to bring down the curtain on the political career of their fiery passionate Undergraduate Association president.

In the first act our hero David Spicer becomes the campus diversity and social justice poster boy, winning paean after paean from fawning DEI bureaucrats. SHASS fills his head with aspirations of woke glory.

In our second act he explodes in Latinx, immigrant, genderqueer, gay, disabled low-income righteous rage as MIT’s Free Expression Working Group passes a new free speech policy that fails to protect his fragile feelings. A faux hate speech poster campaign follows, traumatizing snowflakes across campus. Enraged that this wasn’t punished, he masterminds an even larger poster attack accompanied by a 2,500-word screed in the student newspaper. (Best line – feeding radioactive oatmeal to children with disabilities.)

In our closing act fellow students with woke fatigue launch a recall election. Alas, even Spicer’s LGBTQ+BIPOC allies turn on him, failing to appreciate his opaque logorrhea, 4-D chess moves, and fading charisma.

But have no fear for our young hero because there is no such thing as bad publicity as long as they spell your name right! This budding political science major is sure to be welcomed at Stanford or Yale Law School regardless of the outcome of the recall election, advancing his burning ambition to become a one-man plague on the racist, colonialist, cisheteronormative patriarchy.

Kudos to the DEI team at the “Building a Better World” indoctrination factory for creating this avenging Wokenstein.