MIT reached agreement last night to sell its problematic School of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Scientism (SHASS) to Harvard for $1, retaining only its award-winning Department of Economics.

“We did a careful cost/benefit analysis,” explained MIT’s Chief Financial Officer. “Four hundred million dollars a year of ‘overhead’ was being siphoned off research grants awarded to top scientists at MIT’s Schools of Science and Engineering to fund money-losing operations like Women’s & Gender Studies, Latinx Grievances, Marxist Linguistics, and the Anthropology of Queerness. This represents a grave threat to MIT’s $27 billion endowment.”

Once the acquisition closes, MIT undergraduates will be able to fulfill their dreaded humanities requirements by taking exchange courses up-river at the Kremlin on the Charles. Additional savings will be realized when SHASS takes its two hundred thirty-seven DEI deans, assistant deans, deputy deans, associate deans, and support staffs with them.