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MIT Alumni Association roiled by attempt to introduce diverse viewpoints

Trouble is brewing as subservient leaders of the MIT Alumni Association attempt to plausibly justify blocking an application for affiliation by an alumni free speech advocacy group unafraid to question administration policies.

“This is without precedent,” exclaimed the flustered career administrator in charge of MIT’s Alumni Association. “We work hard to make sure the Alumni Association faithfully transmits only approved narratives to our credulous alumni designed to make them open their wallets. How are we supposed to grow MIT’s bloated administration and fend off problematic free speech initiatives if concerned alumni are allowed to complain about the armies of deans, assistant deans, social justice administrators, and microaggression police we’ve hired to enforce ideological orthodoxy?”

MIT Chancellor Melissa Nobles was incensed to learn that a growing number of uppity graduates insist on questioning her incessant clamoring that systemic racism and a legacy of oppression irredeemably tarnish not only their beloved alma mater but all of science. “We’ve successfully conditioned the faculty to keep their mouths shut, allowing us to build the largest DEI empire in New England. No student would dare talk back to us. What makes benighted alumni think they’re any different?”

In other news, MIT is considering changing its motto from “Mens et Manus” to “Tace et Obedire.”


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