With a staff two dozen strong, the MIT Institute Discrimination & Harassment Response Office wants you to know that a growing social justice strike force stands poised to smite identity malefactors.
Meet our unquestionably diverse team of investigators, prosecutors, adjudicators, coordinators, counselors, managers, and communicators whose dedication to the elimination of bias, bigotry, and harassment against protected identities knows no bounds. Unconstrained by hegemonic hindrances like innocent until proven guilty, the right to face your accuser, the right to counsel, the right to remain silent, the right to know the charges against you, exclusion of hearsay, and other outdated due process impediments, our professionals from Harvard, Oberlin, and the renowned Toronto International Film Festival promise “neutral party” investigation and punishment of any transgressions brought to our attention.
You don’t have to include your name or contact information when you submit an incident report denouncing colleagues that cross you, so what have you got to lose? We are a law unto ourselves with negligible oversight, dispensing social justice even if the alleged victim wants no part of our secret proceedings, from which there is no appeal. So if you see something, say something, because otherwise what would we do all day!