Trouble is brewing on the banks of the Charles as restive MIT facilities workers demand social justice and a living wage while a ballooning army of DEI deans, assistant deans, associate deans, directors, officers, managers, investigators, consultants, and even publicity agents feast on a cornucopia of dollars dedicated to advancing Belonging, Community, Equity, and Inclusion.

Making their case in a heart-wrenching article in The Tech, MIT’s essential workers can’t help but gawk at the $27 billion endowment MIT has amassed from alums who pay no attention to how this money is spent. But building a bloated bureaucracy that drives up tuition, divides the community into warring identity groups, stomps on free speech, browbeats faculty, and attacks not just MIT’s heritage but science itself is a small price to pay for the glory of supporting our alma mater’s unaccountable administration.

Put them ungrateful peons in their place, Melissa. Let them eat Diversity!

See you at tonight’s Dance Party celebrating our dear leader who made this all possible.