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Half of MIT students are below average

In a shocking finding by MIT social scientists using advanced statistical modeling developed to support the disparate impact litigation industry, it was determined that 50% of MIT students are below average (p<.05). “The damage this does to the self-esteem of students admitted under our DEI program is incalculable,” worried the Associate Dean of Equitable Grade Redistribution. “Curriculum changes designed to eliminate the stigma that falls on protected identities need to be addressed if MIT is to achieve its long-term goal of eliminating meritocratic privilege.”

“Volume 13 of the Index of Forbidden Words must ban the words class average,’’ demanded a tearful Suzy Snowflake, sophomore. She/her/hers came to MIT to study physics but quickly took refuge in the School of Humanities, Arts, and Social Sciences in search of a major that does not inflict the systematic oppression of objective standards. The growing faculty of MIT’s School of Social Justice welcomed her, savoring the rapid growth of their department, thrilled that 8.01 is still doing a fine job of vectoring prospects their way.


  1. John

    There is a real sickness that pervades the social sciences today, much of which is probably due to tax payer funded education. The Universities are bloated – with way too many departments, and too much pseudoscience. “Film Studies” is not a real academic discipline, nor is gender studies. And economics, politics and psychology are simply elements of philosophy – that is to say, they are not worth their own discipline. A good academy should only have a few disciplines: philosophy, law, medicine, and the typical hard sciences like mathematics, biology, chemistry and physics. If you cannot survive in one of those programs, then you probably shouldn’t be there. There is nothing wrong with a trade school. You don’t need 200,000 in debt to make films, become a programmer or nurse, or be a “socialist warrior”.

  2. dpcowboy54

    Whenever I am asked by someone I don’t know….or someone I do know, for that matter….HOW I AM, I respond, “Oh, above average.” This results in an odd look from most, as if they are wondering what ‘average’ means. I usually go on to say, “You know…better than most, not as good as some.” That explanation produces an odd light in their eye, as if they “get it”.
    I don’t think they do.

  3. 6-3ftw

    The correct metric here would be the median…..should probably get it right if you’re about math and science. Otherwise a fun article

    • Unapologetic cis white man Alum

      Truly hilarious that the authored accidentally self-parodied.

      • Babbling Beaver

        The graph depicts a normal distribution, in which the mean (average) and the median are the same. More importantly, no one calls laggards “below median” in normal parlance. That being said, the Beaver welcomes comments from ankle-biting pedants struggling with the concept of humor.

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