On the run from Federales hunting for Executive Order violators, MIT’s DEI Leviathan has dispersed its minions into the metaphorical hills, hiding out as yoga instructors and tea ladies.

In yet another “you can’t make this up” event during Random Acts of Kindness (RAK) Week, the Institute Community & Equity Office (ICEO) is no longer referring microaggression offenders to the Institute Discrimination & Harassment Response (IDHR) Office for discipline. Instead, it is promoting a host of Wellness activities designed to distract activists from the Woke Mind Virus fumigation currently cleansing the world’s leading STEM university.

“Take a well-deserved break and join us for a 30-minute yoga session with Sarah Johnson, Assistant Professor of Physical Education and Wellness, to reset your mind and body. After yoga, drop by for an open wellness event to explore the Wellness Wizard Certificate and enjoy free boba while you unwind with creative stations featuring coloring, Legos, origami, and more!”

Despite the emasculating quiddity of these nanny programs the Beaver applauds all efforts to dismantle the cancel culture climate of fear we suffered under. Turning the student body into a pack of sniveling wussies may not be the best way to Make MIT Great Again (MMGA), but it is far better than circling the wagons to defend the race-grifting, identitarian, Marxist, heterophobic speech and thought police that ran rampant for far too long.

So enjoy your downward dog and boba tea. Ladies.

Story suggested by ICEO News