Like many elite universities, Cornell enjoys an opaque and byzantine governance structure designed to protect its administration from outside influence. (Excepting, of course, friendly guidance from Arab despots that write giant checks.)

Trustee dependability is especially important as more and more disgruntled alumni don’t seem to appreciate the leading role Cornell plays educating the next generation of social justice warriors and anticolonialist freedom fighters.

As the 2025 Cornell Alumni Trustee election approaches we must insist that dissident candidates not endorsed by the official Committee on Alumni Trustee Nominations follow the rules and do nothing to inform their fellow alumni that they are not one of the usual insider muppets.

“Campaigning” in any form is strictly prohibited, under punishment of being stricken from the ballot. So outsider candidates Cindy Crawford and Ken Davis, Jr. must not let anyone know that they are the only hope of rescuing their alma mater from a failed administration that has allowed Cornell to become a cesspool of woke insanity and antisemitic activism.

If you are a Cornell graduate that is not happy with the status quo and are considering voting for trustees that will restore your school to sanity, please do not request a ballot by sending an email to electalumtrustee@cornell.edu.

Remember not to tell anyone that the Beaver sent you as he is not a Cornell alumnus, is certainly not “campaigning” for any particular candidates, and would never dream of engaging in election interference at such a well-run Ivy League university.

We now return to our regular programming.