According to reports in FurScience people identifying as a “Furries” are the fastest growing underrepresented minority on college campuses. A new MIT Resource Group representing oppressed Furries is demanding that this emerging identity be tracked on MIT’s Diversity Dashboard, affirmative measures be taken to increase representation across the student body, faculty, and staff, and DEI training programs include a module on Furry acceptance.

MIT’s new Vice President of Equity and Inclusion hailed the Furry movement as the next civil rights frontier. “This should provide plenty of fresh justification to increase the size of MIT’s DEI staff. And when that runs out, we can start working on valorizing pedophilia and cannibalism.”

In a breakthrough sign of acceptance and inclusion, the petting zoo at this week’s annual MIT Random Acts of Kindness (RAK) program included students dressed in cat costumes willing to be pet alongside the goats, sheep, and alpacas.

President Spineless Sally Kornbluth welcomed the distraction from the ongoing congressional investigation looking into how the world’s leading STEM university was transformed into a Hamas training camp. “If the search committee told me I’d be stepping into an uncontrolled dumpster fire taking this wretched job I would have stayed at Duke working on the next science fraud coverup.”