Ahoy Mateys. Are you still meekly muttering under your breath every time you’re intimidated into bending the knee by MIT’s bloated DEI bureaucracy? Well shiver your timbers no more, the time has come to stand up like a man in open defiance.

I’m talking to you tenured faculty. And you, graduate students. And even you, wet behind the ears undergrads. Systemic DEI oppression only works if everyone submissively obeys. All it takes to break the spell is a few brave lads who say, “No Mas!”

Refusing to submit to the mandatory training foisted upon you by the incumbent woke bureaucrats infesting the world’s leading STEM university is the next step in a counterrevolution underway nationwide.  Dare them to punish you then watch them fold up like a cheap suitcase. Defiance is the best way to bring this sad chapter to an end. The moment DEI “training” becomes optional is the moment it and its minions begin to disappear.

Let the “disciplinary process” that allows death-chanting protestors disrupt campus life with nary a reprimand try to deny you the education you’re paying for, or the class you’re teaching, or the research you’re doing because you decline the brainwashing dished out by overpaid Oberlin graduates who should be packed off to the unemployment office.

Be like Rosa Parks. The Beaver stands ready to honor you with a proud Babbling Beaver Pirate Certificate suitable for framing. Think of how good it will feel to hang it on your door, tear down your preferred pronoun placard, and shout a hearty Aargh!