MIT’s School of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Scientism is renowned for its efforts to reengineer the English language as a tool to advance social justice, radical feminist scholarship, LGBTQ activism, and Critical Race Theory. So questions have arisen as to why its recent Diversity Fellowship Awards don’t include a single fellow and are about as diverse as a Marxist sorority.

There must be a more appropriate moniker for the subsidization of female scholars pursuing dissertations like “The Abject Queer: Barely being, nonhumans, and death worlds on the Arabian Peninsula.” Bringing the fields of psychoanalysis, queer of color critique, and critical race theory to contemporary literatures of the Arabian Peninsula, and subjects of similar import, are clearly central to the mission of the world’s leading STEM university.

After intense etymological analysis and social justice review seeking to ensure that no one of consequence would be offended, MIT’s ad hoc committee for living truth in scholarship nomenclature decided that staring next year this particular distribution of ideological largesse shall be called the Monomorphic Muliebrity Awards.

“The time has passed when we had to hide our goal of making sure the social sciences were completely dominated by leftist women,” crowed MIT’s Assistant Dean of Feminist Fealty. Please join me in a rousing chorus of “Tomorrow belongs to me!”