As mental illness becomes the norm rather than the exception on college campuses, MIT has appointed a new Dean of Intersectional Neurodivergent Justice tasked with developing equitable and inclusive policies to accommodate the growing influx of future mad scientists.

Felix Stultus (Xe/Xem), MIT’s 250th dean, explained. “Our diverse community reflects an expanding spectrum of identities, neurological divergences, and emergent psychopathologies. These young scholars may walk the line between genius and madness, but they nonetheless have every right to experience the power of prefabricated Belonging. That’s where my office comes in.”

“Let’s say you’re an intersex furry architecture student that dreams of developing a queer feminist sustainable antiracist habitat for posthuman cyborgs and can’t get into Professor Danielle Wood’s course on that very subject because it’s oversubscribed. Under MIT’s recently adopted Composition guidelines I have the power to neuro-balance any class the same way the admissions office gender-balances the entire undergraduate student body.”

Xe explained, “It will be my pleasure to deliver intersectional neurodivergent justice for the underrepresented intersex furry seeking inclusion in this career-essential program, oppressively blocked because too many neuronormative cis white males signed up. All I have to do is log on to the registration system and discreetly move one of them to the waiting list, freeing a slot.”

Dean Stultus will keep office hours at the Medical Department, whose mental health and counseling services now consume 27% of MIT’s total budget.