Groundbreaking computer models developed by MIT economists prove that every advance in material wellbeing generated by science and technology has increased income inequality. Running the models backwards further shows that equality reached its peak when no one had any income at all.

MIT’s Department of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Scientism immediately called for the dissolution of MIT’s schools of Science and Engineering.

“Humanity has been pushed to the brink of extinction,” warned MIT’s most prominent professor leading the fight against objective reason and rationality. “Why? Because toxically masculine scientists and engineers refused to live in harmony with nature, releasing demon climate change.”

Chancellor Mellissa Nobles urged immediate action, noting the disparate impact of science and technology on people of color. “The time has come to privilege universal equity above so-called progress, eliminating all discernable differences that divide rather than unite people.”

Heeding the call, a new ad hoc working group was established to help MIT’s disbanded science and engineering faculty return to subsistence farming. The Hewlett Foundation immediately pledged to give each former MIT professor forty acres and a mule to begin their new lives.