MIT’s Department of Earth, Atmospheric, and Planetary Sciences (EAPS), celebrated for its cancellation of geophysicist Dorian Abbot for daring to question DEI, is now offering cash prizes to minions who “have shown dedication towards service that ensures justice, equity, diversity and inclusion in the work they do.”

Welcome to the brave new world of MIT’s wokest science department, where seminars like “Racism, Colonialism, and Extraction in the Geosciences” lead the parade. Get your patriarchal mind right with readings like “Feminist Theory in Science: Working Toward a Practical Transformation” and “Burn it Down: The incommensurability of the University and Decolonization.” We’re comforted that lame duck MIT president L. Rafael Reif is so proud of EAPS Department head and cancellation grand dragon Rob van der Hilst, the tip of the spear transforming the world’s leading STEM institution into Oberlin for nerds.

Pay no attention to critics complaining about the politicization of science. These are only the experts responsible for developing the Climate Models used to dictate energy policy around the world.

Story inspired by Mark Felt.