About Us

Fake News

Submit Stories


MIT President pledges to wear hairshirt until campus equity achieved

In a gesture of profound virtue, manifested by self-mortification of biblical proportions, MIT President Rafael Reif pledged to wear a hairshirt until campus equity is achieved. What could speak more loudly of his commitment to atone for the many sins MIT has committed in its racist, sexist, transphobic, and colonialist past?

Undeterred by divisive claims that no one has ever defined “equity” in a meaningful and measurable way, Dr. Reif reiterated his commitment to blindly appease any and all demands made by screaming Twitter mobs. It is critical that unfortunate controversies not be allowed to distract from the important fundraising work required to pay the bloated salaries of the many new DEI deans, assistant deans, associate deans, and the growing staff of insufferable minions the administration was browbeaten into hiring in the aftermath of the Epstein scandal.


Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: