Allegations are flying that the Babbling Beaver is backed by two of MIT’s most notorious graduates. Sounding the alarm hoping to trigger a Twitter pogrom, MIT’s Dean of Image Management warned, “Charles and his late brother David Koch are well-known for their support of causes and organizations dedicated to holding back the march of postmodern science across a wide range of fields, from climate change to healthcare policy and social democracy.”

Itchy lame-duck president L. Rafael Reif piled on. “After being subjected to months of unfair mockery by the Babbling Beaver, MIT’s virtuous and sensitive leadership felt compelled to dox the most likely funding source of this scurrilous rag. Incredulous laughter when presented with incoherent policies undermines the vital task of reengineering MIT to conform to our sacrosanct vision for a Diverse, Equitable, Inclusive, and above all obedient woke monoculture.”

“No Chortling Allowed” signs are now being posted at all mandatory DEI training sessions.

Story submitted by Tan Hawser.