“They seemed like such a diverse, equitable, and inclusive bunch of fellas,” lamented MIT’s lame duck president L. Rafael Reif, sorely tired of the public relations fiascos that keep interrupting his victory lap. “I hope no one expects us to refund the millions of dollars funneled our way just because a distinguished member of the MIT Corporation turned out to be a sanctioned oligarch whose boss launched an invasion. How else do they expect us to pay the salaries of all these new DEI staffers who don’t teach, don’t get grants, and don’t produce anything?”

Skoltech was pitched as a great way for MIT to help Russia do trendy science like advance the climate change policy dialogue, develop green energy solutions, and enact new government energy regulations. Watching it turn into yet another moral failing requiring confession, expiation, and the hiring of more administrators to make sure this never happens again has put a strain on the virtue doctors responsible for MIT’s evolving wokeness. “Our heads are spinning praising programs one day and denouncing them the next.”