With apologies to Irving Berlin, Annie Get Your Gun, Jane Doe, and the Cornell 7.

Click here to listen.

Lucy Get Your Fun

Anything you can screw
I can screw better.
I can screw anything
Better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.
No, you can’t. Yes, I can.
No, you can’t.
Yes, I can, yes, I can!

Anything you can snort
I can snort better.
Sooner or later
The ket will get you.

No, it won’t. Yes, it will.
No, it won’t. Yes, it will.
No, it won’t.
Yes, it will, yes, it will!

I can shoot a beer can
And can do a keg stand.
I can screw two brothers
and then a few others.
You can peg me while I sleep
And I’ll hardly make a peep.

Any lie you can tell
I can tell better.
I can lie any time
Better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.
No, you can’t. Yes, I can.
No, you can’t.
Yes, I can, yes, I can!

Anything you can screw
I can screw better.
I can screw anything
Better than you.

No, you can’t. Yes, I can.
No, you can’t. Yes, I can.
No, you can’t.
Yes, I can, yes, I can!

I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker.
I can drink it quicker and get even sicker.
I can stay hard all night long.
I need much more than one dong!

My story changes if
You don’t invite me
To your next party
Where we can screw more.

Better not. Yes, I will.
Better not. Yes, I will.
Better not.
Yes, I will, yes, I will!