With apologies to Billy Joel, please enjoy this reinterpretation of his classic hit Piano Man. Turn on your sound, follow the lyrics, and click here to listen.

What’s happened to my University,
Has everyone really gone mad?
The woke mind virus captured the faculty.
The administration’s gone bad.

I say “Beav, can you spin me a mockery?
Sing a song that can help us oppose
The long march that has conquered the legacy.
Of our school, just as everyone knows.”

La, la-la, di-dee-da
La-la, di-dee-da da -da-dum

Sing us a song, you’re the Beaverman.
Sing us a song tonight.
For we’re all in the mood for a mockery
And they’ve got us feeling uptight.

The girl with pink hair is on Lexapro.
The guy with a dress is prom queen.
And they both hate the Jews, for Hamas they enthuse
And they only eat Vegan cuisine.

They say, “Beave, I believe you are trolling me.”
As alums shudder at the disgrace.
“Well, I’m sure that we could achieve equity
If we could only take over this place.”

Oh, la, la-la, di-dee-da
La-la, di-dee-da da-da-dum

The trustees have surrendered their governance
They never had time for the strife.
They’re incredibly lazy, or even part crazy
But have football tickets for life.

And the Chancellor is practicing politics
As the undergrads take out more loans.
They all fell for a spell we call wokiness
And have turned into socialist drones.

Sing us a song, you’re the Beaverman.
Sing us a song tonight.
For we’re all in the mood for a mockery
And they’ve got us feeling uptight.