The MIT Consortium for Graduate Studies in Gender, Culture, Women, and Sexuality (GCWS) has launched a new rape prevention program inspired by former British Conservative minister Edwina Currie to open brothels in villages near asylum seekers as a way to reduce sexual violence.

“Edwina Currie was thinking far too small, and far too white” said Dr. Marguerite Oyelaran-Fitch, GCWS Dean of Carceral Abolition and Sex-Positive Justice. “She wanted to protect Caucasian women from grooming gangs who operate with impunity. We want to protect the feelings of misunderstood oppressed migrants of color.”

The new Rape Prevention & Islamophobia Reduction Practicum will send GCWS graduate volunteers to staff pop-up “solidarity houses” in Dearborn and Minneapolis, the two American cities faculty identified as suffering the highest concentration of what the syllabus calls “spiritually justified interpretive misunderstandings regarding proper female attire.” Enrolled students will receive three credits, a modest stipend, and a certificate in Decolonial Harm Reduction. Unlimited free penicillin is included.

“We cannot keep asking these men to bear the burden of our society’s Islamophobia every time they respond to an uncovered woman as dictated by the holy Quran and Hadiths,” the syllabus reads. “GCWS believes true intersectional solidarity means volunteering our own bodies before we ask anyone to change their behavior, their theology, or their immigration status.”

Enrollment is capped at forty, with priority registration for qualified settler-colonialists seeking atonement.

Asked to comment, MIT President Sally Kornbluth praised the initiative’s rigor. “We’ve commissioned a properly randomized, peer-reviewed social-science study to determine, empirically, whether staffing brothels with attractive graduate students meaningfully reduces Islamophobia in Dearborn and Minneapolis,” Kornbluth said. “I commend GCWS for their proactive efforts to accommodate our newest multicultural neighbors. Settling the science will enable them to continue contributing their diversity to society free of criticism from systemic racists.”