Andrew Mellon, conservative Republican Treasury Secretary from 1921 to 1932, believed in reducing government spending, supporting high culture, and donating art to the nation. His foundation now bankrolls prison abolition, transgender studies, and a scholarly journal proving Homer was racist.

All thanks to woke-diaper baby Elizabeth Alexander.

Born into the civil rights aristocracy, young Elizabeth grew up marinating in identity politics. She earned degrees from Yale and Penn, studied poetry under a Nobel laureate, and became President of the Mellon Foundation in 2018 with a simple mission: spend dead white Republican guy’s money on everything he’d have hated.

Alexander rocketed to public attention with her mediocre poetry at Obama’s 2009 inauguration. Critics called it “bureaucratic verse,” “inept,” and “trivial,” which in academic poetry circles means “promising career ahead.” This landed her at the Ford Foundation, where she distributed $127 million to fund artwork designed to get criminals out of prisons and back onto the streets, where they could resume their unique contributions to cultural diversity.

In June 2020, she announced Mellon would henceforth prioritize “social justice in all grantmaking.” Universities stampeded like Black Friday shoppers at a wide-screen TV sale.

UCLA: $5 million for “social justice curriculum.” Penn State: $3.1 million for “Just Transformations” (formerly known as “hiring based on skin color”). UC Santa Cruz: $8 million to abolish prisons through interpretive dance. Yale: $5.3 million to mail Howard Zinn to 1,000 prisons. Princeton and Brown: $1 million to prove Virgil was a colonizer.

The $500 million Monuments Project—Mellon’s largest initiative ever—now pays people to explain why statues of dead presidents make them sad.

Andrew Mellon joins Henry Ford, Andrew Carnegie, William Hewlett, and John D. Rockefeller in the Betrayed Donor Hall of Fame. Karl Marx is surely complaining to Satan: “That was my idea for using capitalism to destroy capitalism!”