In a lightning decapitation strike designed to cripple the Virginia Military Institute (VMI), Virginia’s sweeping regime change looks to remake the state as dramatically as it did after seceding from the Union in 1861.

Call it the revenge of the laid-off government workers.

Lost among the flurry of bills introduced in the state legislature is a provision that will disband the VMI Board of Visitors and hand control of the storied military academy over to Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Sunny Hostin, Sara Haines, Ana Navarro, and Alyssa Farah Griffin.

“I am honored that the current and former federal employees that run the great state of Virginia have placed their trust in me,” intoned a humble Ms. Goldberg. “I look forward to transforming this hideous bastion of white supremacy and cisheteropatriarchy into a beacon of diversity, equity, and inclusion that will Make Military Men Wearing Dresses Great Again (MMMWDGA).

California Governor Gavin Newsom weighed in from Davos, taking a break from polishing Alex Soros’s shoes. “Virginia is a shining example of what can happen when people on the government payroll take over the government. When I become president the governance of every university in the country will be placed in the hands of the cast of The View”.

One thing is certain. VMI cadets will finally be taught what unconditional surrender looks like.