In a groundbreaking study titled “Unequal impacts of rising temperatures on global human sentiment” MIT’s Sustainable Urbanization Lab analyzed 1.2 billion social media posts from 157 countries comparing the ‘rated’ sentiment to the weather. The resulting computer model projects that by the year 2100 global warming will cause people’s emotional well-being to decline by 2.3 percent!

Even more alarming, the model predicts that the effect will be three times greater in low-income countries compared to high-income countries.

“This gap means climate policies may overlook human suffering, leaving vulnerable populations unsupported as heat events increase,” the authors explain.

<The Beaver did not make a word of this up. >

“These findings underscore the urgent need for climate policies that integrate emotional impacts and address inequalities in psychological climate vulnerability,” the paper claims.

<Interpretation: No social scientist left behind! More research needed! Send money now! >

In response, MIT’s Department of Urban Studies and Planning convened an emergency meeting to organize a march on Washington to demand that the US establish a climate reparations fund that will pay for emotional counseling for poor people in hot countries.

<OK, the Beaver made this and the rest up.>

“We considered demanding money to buy them all air conditioners so they won’t be 2.3% more grumpy. But until NetZero is achieved this will only make the climate worse,” explained Professor Siqi Zheng, co-author of the study and faculty director of the Global Sentiment project.

<This DEI-hire is a real professor. >

When asked how in the world anyone could seriously make predictions about a fundamentally unquantifiable factor like ‘human sentiment’ to a tenth of a percent accuracy 75 years into the future, Professor Zheng responded, “What are you, a Computer Modeling Denier?

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