Taking their cue from experts at Gaza’s Islamic University, renowned MIT intersectionality professors Sally Haslanger and Michel DeGraff, best known for helping bring the Intifada to campus, are teaming up to offer a course on the fine art of Islamic wife beating.

The course will be offered under the auspices of MIT’s Consortium for Graduate Studies in Gender, Culture, Women and Sexuality (GWCS) as part of its ongoing Feminism Unbound series.

“Acceptance and integration of the cultural practices of oppressed peoples is central to the philosophy of intersectionality,” explained Professor Haslanger. “The discomfort felt by the cisheteropatriarchy is a necessary step toward decolonization.”

“As outlined in the Quran and Hadiths, wife beating is meant to reform, not to harm,” explained Professor DeGraff. “Islamic Law does not recognize the beating of wives by their husbands as a crime unless bodily injury results to the wife. So, make sure not to leave obvious bruises or break any bones.”

Whether or not married lesbian couples are permitted to beat each other remains a vexing problem as the only scriptural solution seems to be throwing them both off the roof.

MIT Chancellor Melissa Nobles admonished critics of the new course. “As titular head of MIT’s Stand Together Against Hate (STAH) program, I cannot allow outbursts of Islamophobia to derail our mission. I conferred with my counterparts at the Islamic University of Gaza to review the course syllabus and can confirm that it complies with current best practices.”

The Beaver reached out to MIT President Sally Kornbluth for comment but was informed that she had taken to bed with a migraine of biblical proportions.