In keeping with the leading role Hunter Biden played in the scandal-free and wildly successful administration of his Mensa member father, Columbia University has named him an Esteemed Professor of Ethics.

“I am proudly humble of the trust Columbia has put in me to educate its pampered young charges,” the pardoned recovering crackhead related in his three-hour long interview with Loyola University journalist cum YouTube sensation Andrew Callaghan.

“Even though I am a cis white male sexual predator whose privilege allowed me to run wild monetizing my father’s political influence, America’s Ivy League universities need more professors with lived experience like mine,” explained the former million-dollar-a-year director of Burisma Holdings. “Learning how to leverage your connections is as important as choosing the right oppressed minorities to virtue signal about. In my new role as a professor of ethics I look forward to mentoring the next young Obama that passes through these hallowed halls.”

NPR’s Morning Edition luminary Steve Inskeep praised the appointment, stressing the importance of sticking a thumb in the eye of the fascists who kicked him off the public dole.

In other news, the Wall Street Journal revealed that they talked to someone who heard from a fiend that they saw a letter that Hunter once wrote thanking Donald Trump for letting him pee on him when they partied together with a gang of gypsy hookers at a hotel in Moscow run by the FSB.