America has long been seeking ways to stop elite Ivy League universities from spreading the Woke Mind Virus into the nation’s mental water supply. In a startling act of karmic justice, pro-Hamas protesters at Columbia University have found a solution.

Pour cement into the toilets.

In a video and manifesto supposedly anonymously submitted to activist group Unity of Fields by vandals, the alleged perpetrators revealed that they flushed concrete down the toilets in Columbia’s School of International and Public Affairs to cement “the sewage lines of the entire building, forcing them to shut down business-as-usual.”

Eureka!

Hitler immediately issued his 347th Executive Order demanding that any university with an endowment of over a billion dollars must have cement poured down all their toilets. DOGE Czar Elon Musk tweeted out “Hahaha. Now all that crap will have no place to go.”

Secretary-in-waiting of Health and Human Services RFK explained the importance of composting anything that has passed through the alimentary canals of Ivy League professors before it is properly disposed of in a hazardous waste dump.

The Washington Post immediately condemned the move as being racist, transphobic, and insulting to the brave Hamas freedom fighters without which the twelve people who still read that once-respected newspaper would have no place to seek the truth.

In other news the Woke Mind Virus vaccine that candidate Trump announced last April has entered clinical trials.