In a shocking development roiling campus, radical humanities professor Michel DeGraff has recruited MIT’s mascot Tim the Beaver to join Hamas.

“I knew there would be trouble as soon as Tim signed up for intersectional DEI training,” sobbed Tim’s alter ego, the obese and infantilized Wide Tim, now being held captive in a tunnel beneath building 10.

Members of the banned MIT Coalition Against Apartheid (CAA) ululated with glee and fired their Kalashnikov’s in the air at this latest exploit designed to stick a thumb in the eye of MIT President Spineless Sally Kornbluth.

Leading radical feminist Professor Sally Haslanger, long-time Hamas supporter and co-founder of a short-lived astroturf free speech organization designed to provide cover for intifada perpetrators like the CAA, served up a celebratory word salad.

Administration staff from the Tim the Beaver Mascot Rental center expressed reservations when the news broke. “We encourage all members of the MIT community to throw themselves into social justice activism. But we are somewhat concerned about our brand reputation when this includes calls for kidnapping, rape, and murder.”

MIT alumnus Benjamin Netanyahu ’75 was not amused, promising a new pager shipment that Tim can use to be more easily summoned to campus protests.