A candlelight vigil is scheduled for 8pm tomorrow night in front of the MIT Student Center to commemorate the brave martyrs who gave their lives to bring the Intifada to America.

Vigil co-organizers Professors Michel DeGraff and Sally Haslanger invite all students, faculty members, and staff who stand on the right side of history to don their keffiyehs and join them as they denounce the Great Satan, America.

Afternoon classes at MIT’s School of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Scientism will be cancelled. In their place, Chancellor Melissa Nobles will lead a seminar on eliminating Islamophobia. Chaplains Nada El-Alami and Hossein Mosallaei will also deliver a sermon extolling the many virtues of the religion of peace and the great respect it has for women, gays, lesbians, queers, and transexuals.

Jewish students are reminded to shelter in place so as not to disturb the proceedings.

Intersectional decolonization by any means necessary is a key component of DEI pedagogy and an important part of the social justice training that all MIT students are obliged to undertake. White settler colonialists and their descendants must be brought to heel, making September 11th a holy day, standing alongside October 7th in the sacred calendar of wokeness.

Never forget the last words of every brave martyr as they anticipate the 72 virgins waiting for them in paradise as a reward for their heroic deeds. Allahu Akbar.