MIT Kappa Mu Alpha fraternity brothers made a startling discovery cleaning up after a party when crushed beer cans, red party cups, and used condoms were thrown into the trash and left to marinate for two days. Powerful jets of hydrogen gas emerged, triggering an idea that could win them the Nobel Prize.

“Nothing is more important than achieving net-zero,” explained the budding scientists as they busily renewed their supply of feedstock for the next round of hydrogen production experiments. “If we can harness the weekly after-party detritus from MIT’s vast fraternity system to produce clean-burning hydrogen, maybe the Deputy Dean of Death to the Greek System will cut us some slack.”

The boys are working on a small reactor that could produce enough hydrogen to fill a dirigible they can use as an after-hours substitute for the Wellesley bus rounding up dates. Bud Light, Church & Dwight, and Solo® Cup Corporation have all signed up to sponsor the dirigible, which will be emblazoned with a giant flashing LED banner reading “Save the Planet: Party Hearty!”

Ivan Oransky, publisher of Retraction Watch, fretted that this could all be another Sokal Hoax. “You know how easy it is to fool science reporters as long as the bull story you feed them resonates with the dominant narrative,” he warned. “Further study required.” Hahaha.

Story suggested by MIT News