In a breakthrough destined to transform medicine, politics, and education, the work of MIT-trained postdoctoral neuroscientist Briana K. Chen ’16 could lead to some of the first female-specific drugs for depression, PTSD, and anxiety.

As explained in a Technology Review Article titled Depression is different for Women, women are roughly twice as likely as men to experience depression. Likewise, women face a higher risk of developing PTSD and anxiety.

Early results suggest that one dose of the drug is enough to prevent a whole range of fearful, depressive, and anxiety-like behaviors in female mice—and it appears to have very long-lasting effects.

Dr. Chen’s work was immediately denounced by Jamie Harrison, Chair of the Democratic National Committee. “This irresponsible research strikes directly at the heart of our Party. Without the support of anxious crazy women, Democrats would disappear from electoral office. The FDA must declare a moratorium on this research at once!”

Harrison’s concerns were echoed by leading DEI advocates across the country. “We worked tirelessly to train an entire generation of anxious crazy women that have gone on to lead nearly every social justice crusade transforming our racist, ableist, Islamophobic, cisheteronormative society,” explained Professor Anxius Insanis Feminae. “I’m deeply traumatized merely harboring the thought that a single pill could destroy our entire national DEI infrastructure.”

Dr. Chen has reportedly gone into hiding after being informed that she would soon be receiving special Secret Service protection.