Scientists marry unbounded curiosity with the ability to pursue a thesis down the deepest rabbit hole. Sometimes this yields amazing discoveries. A giant asteroid killed off the dinosaurs? Cool!

Other times, not so much. Woe to the common man when scientists get hold of an axiom that cannot be questioned.

“We must eliminate imbeciles from the gene pool!” Remember that one? Get a bunch of eugenicists in bed with demagogues and there’s no telling where it might lead.

“This bat virus that, um, mysteriously leapt out of a wet market through no fault of our own must be stopped at all costs!” Extended shutdowns coupled with frenzied money printing will surely rank as one of the biggest self-inflicted sucker punches ever delivered to the global economy.

The king of them all, though, may end up being “Decarbonize or die!” Legions of scientists are turning over every patch of sod looking for ways to fight the demon molecule, no grant proposal too obscure to reject.

The latest trip down the rabbit hole takes us back to those darned cows. But not their burps and farts. No, it’s their grazing. Published in Nature Climate Change and co-authored by MIT professor Cesar Terrer, the latest study describes an AI model designed to help policy makers adjust grazing patterns to maximize soil carbon retention. Just imagine all the variables you have to fine tune for that one.

Surprise, surprise, surprise – “Approximately 75 percent of all grazing areas need to reduce grazing intensity,” it concludes. No cheeseburgers for you! Further study required.

The climate-soil-bovine experts didn’t delve into social and economic implications. (You don’t say?) “Our role is to just point out what would be the opportunity here. It shows that shifts in diets can be a powerful way to mitigate climate change.”

Opportunity, indeed. Next up – reducing mankind’s carbon footprint by eliminating imbeciles.