Sri Lankan’s are starving, California’s power grid is tottering, and Germans are hunkering down to freeze in the dark thanks to problems created by poorly executed climate policy rushed into implementation by panicked zealots. But this is no reason to question settled science, which is whatever we say it is. Let MIT’s Office of Sustainability help you Build a Better World by eating weeds and bugs.

Who wouldn’t delight in a peanut butter, banana, and cricket smoothie that delivers yummy virtue with every sip? Our experts serve up “just, equitable, and diverse solutions” to climate change that make you feel better about yourself even though their impact is but a fart in a windstorm compared to all those coal-burning power plants in China and India.

Help us “mobilize the community” to inculcate a sense of “civic responsibility” that shouts down anyone who questions the orthodoxy. If MIT’s campus can be made net-zero, computer models assure us that this will reduce global temperatures by .000000001 degrees. It may not sound like much, and a billion people will be consigned to energy poverty if we keep barreling down the path of breakneck decarbonization while ignoring the costs and consequences. But it’s a small price to pay for enabling empowered global technocrats to reengineer society.