Home

About Us

Fake News

Submit Stories

Subscribe

Declaration of Woke Independence

WHEN in the Course of human Events, it becomes necessary for alumni, faculty, students, and friends of the world’s greatest STEM university to dissolve the ideological derangements that hold its community in thrall, a decent Respect to the Opinions of those who have not succumbed to the Woke mind virus requires that they should declaim the causes which impel them to declare War on Wokeness.

We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that there are Men and there are Women, that they should earn their place in the world of Science and Engineering due to their merit, character, and hard work and not to the color of their skin, their ethnic heritage, their immutable gender, or their sexual preferences, and that whenever a DEI administration becomes destructive to those ends it is time to alter or abolish it.

The History of the present DEI Oligarchy at MIT is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an ideological Tyranny. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World.

….. They have capriciously martyred Father Moloney and Dorian Abbot, cancelled at the hands of the woke mob.
….. They have used every tool at their disposal to suppress free speech, viewpoint diversity, and academic freedom.
…..They have erected a Multitude of new administrative Offices, and sent hither Swarms of DEI Officers to harass our People, accuse them of microaggressions, impose bizarre and misleading pronouns upon them, and perniciously bully them into silence.
….. They have declared our beloved university systemically racist, sexist, and transphobic, demanding that it be decolonized, and its formerly free and independent people be forcibly re-educated at the hands of nincompoops who couldn’t survive MIT’s freshman year if their lives depended on it.
….. They have established an identitarian caste system, privileging some and handicapping others, spreading divisiveness and suspicion along with noxious Critical Race Theories.
….. They have empowered secret police answerable to no one chartered with collecting anonymous denunciations in order to pursue capricious “bias” prosecutions with complete disregard for due process.
….. They have turned the bloated School of Humanities, Arts, and Socialist Scientism into a fifth column of social justice warriors determined to destroy MIT’s unique culture.

We, therefore, the alumni, faculty, students, and friends of MIT appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the Rectitude of our Intentions, do solemnly Publish and Declare, that we will not cease hurling biting mockery at these traitors to the Enlightenment, nor stop shining our spotlight of derision on the endless inanities spewing from their twisted brains, until the woke plague to which our community has succumbed is lifted from our sacred lands on the banks of the Charles, which our forefathers stole fair and square from the Wampanoag Indians, and all DEI apparatchiks are banished back into the postmodern fever swamps whence they came, so that sanity, reason, meritocracy, and excellence can be restored to the last great hope of saving STEM from the depredations of woke madness.

Signed by Order and in Behalf of those who have not lost their frigging minds,
The Babbling Beaver

HAPPY FOURTH of JULY!

0 Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: