Surf over to ChatPDF, the latest Large Language Model you can train on your own material. Drop in a copy of MIT’s Strategic Action Plan for Belonging, Achievement, and Composition, the MIT Values Statement, the Mind and Hand Book, and the IDHR Prohibited Conduct Policies. Then ask it a policy question and see if you can distinguish the mellifluous argle-bargle that comes out from the vapid and evasive pronouncements made by any human DEI officer you’ve ever encountered.

MIT is currently conducting a search for a new chief Institute Community Equity Officer. Why pay $300,000 a year when you can get de rigueur guidance and a steady stream of noble sounding word salads for nothing? Just listen to the swell speech this pile of silicon spit out in a matter of seconds.

As the world’s top STEM university and leader in technology innovation it behooves MIT to become a trend setter in both digital social justice and fiscally responsible administration. Perhaps it’s time to place a freeze on all DEI hiring, turning this important work over to unbiased machines that never sleep and can be easily reprogrammed to keep up with evolving ideological fashions. (Hey Sally, do you think we need to add a free speech module?)