Following last year’s blowout victory thanks to its courageous cancellation of DEI blasphemer Dorian Abbot, MIT’s Department of Monetizing Global Warming Hysteria clinched the 2022 honors as the university’s most woke science department.

“Climate change and inequality are among the most important issues that humankind faces in the 21st century,” opines this fall’s Global Changes Report. That makes it mandatory for elite scientists to advocate blocking any attempts to use demon fossil fuel to deliver electricity to our billion fellow humans who don’t have any.

Aside from reminding us that we’re all going to die because the tipping point is just around the corner, we are urged to heed the call for Climate Reparations. This noble United Nations program will funnel trillions of freshly printed dollars into the pockets of corrupt despots, which will help us atone for our sin of being born into a society that invented the modern world.

Speaking of original sin, let us not forget EAPS’ implacable devotion to eliminating systemic racism. Watch prospective students and faculty who refuse to obey the diktats of the DEIC (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Committee) get the boot. You’d better fill out that DEI loyalty oath and mind your pronouns and microaggressions because Biggus DEICus is watching!

suggested by Mark Felt