(Sung to the tune of We Three Kings.)

We three deans of DEI are,
Social justice woke commissars.
Dorm and classroom, watch us mind groom,
Cross us? Say au revoir.

[Chorus]
O, grift of wonder, parasite.
Pimping you is our delight.
Leftward leaning, overweening,
Male white privilege we do smite.

Though our mandates do seem insane,
We will do it ‘gain and again.
Kings forever, ceasing never
Over you we will reign.

[Chorus]
O, grift of wonder, parasite.
Pimping you is our delight.
Leftward leaning, overweening,
Male white privilege we do smite.

Pronouns new to offer have I.
Tell us how you identify.
Cancel praising, most amazing,
Comply or say goodbye.

[Chorus]
O, grift of wonder, parasite.
Pimping you is our delight.
Leftward leaning, overweening,
Male white privilege we do smite.

Glorious now, we antagonize,
Alumni who see through our disguise.
Al-le-lu-ia, al-le-lu-ia,
Stop us or free speech dies.

[Chorus]
O, grift of wonder, parasite.
Pimping you is our delight.
Leftward leaning, overweening,
Male white privilege we do smite.

Happy Festivus to all, and to all an Aargh night!