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Seven steps to entrenching a permanent DEI bureaucracy in your organization

The MIT Sloan Management Review, in its October 26th issue, offers sound advice on how to overcome resistance to fighting systemic racism, misogyny, classism, and xenophobia in your company by installing a permanent DEI bureaucracy of highly paid experts and consultants.  

  1. Capitalize on shocks to the system. Moral panics set off by the politico-media complex offer a constant opportunity to inflame feelings, generating a sense of urgency.
  2. Map the DEI landscape. Divide your employees into as many warring identity groups as possible, seeking ways to increase suspicion, resentment, and inter-group tensions.
  3. Deconstruct destructive dynamics. Once you figure out which issues really piss people off, make sure to incessantly harp on them.
  4. Bolster constructive DEI efforts. Make sure everyone knows that attendance at DEI struggle sessions and leadership in flogging oppressor identities will count heavily in performance reviews.
  5. Prioritize DEI in hiring and promotion. Make it obvious that there are winning and losing identities in this game, with new oppressed classes being added all the time.
  6. Keep the pot boiling. Never let tensions and anxieties get buried or resolved.
  7. Persist and adapt. Set up permanent steering committees that issue grandiose strategic plans with myriad actions and priorities, the questioning of which leads to dismissal.

Follow these simple steps and you too can enjoy eternal life in the Kingdom of DEI Heaven.

Story suggested by Curious Kit

3 Comments

  1. Karen Silver

    That is chilling.

    Reply
  2. Glenn

    Why

    Reply
  3. Brian

    Did the devil

    Reply

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