When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for loyal alumni, distressed by the woke takeover of their beloved alma maters, to rise up and smite the hypocritical bureaucrats, edacious grifters, deluded fellow travelers, and useful idiots whose long march through these institutions of higher education has arrived at the brink of destroying the finest educational system humanity ever produced, a decent respect for the rights and opinions of mankind requires that we alumni who are loyal to free speech, viewpoint diversity, and academic freedom should declare the means by which we intend to fight back.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all mockery, satire, parody, derision, and contemptuous language directed at the perpetrators of woke madness is fair game. Because “against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.”
And so we at the Babbling Beaver, along with the Flickering Beacon at UMass Boston, welcome our comrades-in-barbs from Cornell’s Babbling Bear. Let all those who share our values join our movement to help send cancel culture mobs and race-grifting DEI deans back to Oberlin where they came from.
How can I help, you may ask? It’s easy. Just put an eye patch on your college mascot, hoist the Jolly Roger of free speech absolutism, and launch your own satire webzine. If you drop the Beaver a line and he will provide you with a template copy of his WordPress website into which you can substitute acerbic commentary and Fake News unique to your university, mounting an assault of your own.
Come join the revolution to take back the minds being poisoned, and liberate our campuses, with an ironic nod to Saul Alinsky’s Rule #5, and a joyous, bellowing … Aargh!